Everything in Nothing
by NarayanFX
Summary: The nightmares brought them together, but there are some sins that you can't come back from. Post game. Mostly Rinoa x Seifer because I ship, but some Rinoa x Squall. In progress, please read & review! Updated 2.21.19
1. run

**Disclaimer:** FFVIII and its' characters belong to square, this fic belongs to me.

 **Everything in Nothing**

i. run

She is running again, running away from him and looking back with fear in her eyes. Almond eyes that once looked at him with passion. Her lips curve and move, bewitching him as they always have, but he can't hear what she's trying to say. It's muffled against the bloodcurdling screams that make the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

 _In a blink of an eye she's gone._

The dark hair he longed to feel between his fingers, gone. Her slender body that twisted and turned with the grace of a ballet dancer, gone. Her vanilla face and coral lips with a smile that held the key to his heart, gone.

 _The nightmare is the same._

He's standing alone in the dark under her control. It's cold, and there's a hint of mildew in the bitter air that forces him to hold his breath. She grows more powerful, more deceitful, more ruthless and unsatisfied.

 _Ultimecia._

She wants to destroy everything that he has ever had, everything that he has ever loved. She wants to murder her right in front of his eyes.

 _And every night he awakes to the realization that she almost did._

-xx-

* * *

She hadn't seen him since the war, but Rinoa Heartilly felt him everywhere. He was in her dreams, her thoughts and in a padded cell in Garden. Seifer Almasy was a shell of himself; he wasn't the same after the war. He was in a catatonic state the first three weeks after the compulsion. When he actually slept he had nightmares about the war. The cries that would come out of his mouth every night were the same terrifying calls repeating her name.

 _Rinoa._

Dr. Kadowaki thought it would be good for Rinoa to help Seifer with the PTSD. He had made substantial progress around week six, and she wanted to expedite the improvement in any way possible. Squall protested, but she didn't care. Rinoa agreed to help, it could have been any one of them in this state.

He lost weight. That was the first thing Rinoa noticed when she entered the grey padded room. He was sitting at the edge of his bed. His moss colored eyes, once bright and confident, were now broken and weak. Seifer wouldn't look at her as he fiddled with his fingers trying to conceal his shaking hands.

"How are you?" she asked as she sat beside him still uneasy with how dreadful he looked.

Silence.

"Dr. Kadowaki said if you keep the progress up you won't have to stay under surveillance much longer."

He nodded at her still not meeting her gaze. His hands were still trembling.

"Seifer..." she grasped his hands interlocking her fingers with his as they use to hoping it would relax his nerves.

"I'm sorry Rin," he said interrupting her. "I would never hurt you, I hope you know that I wasn't myself."

-xx-

* * *

She's running to the place where she planned on meeting Squall. The safe space where they promised to reunite. A place where her heart feels full, a place that only they know. With Squall she can overcome anything including the overwhelming power of being a sorceress. Squall will protect her because he is her knight. Their promise and bond cannot be broken. But she feels the evil around her.

 _This is a dream. This is a nightmare._

The humid air thickens further and she knows she's not alone. She feels his presence, so powerful and deep, like fire burning through her chest and lungs.

And it isn't Squall.

-xx-


	2. puncture

ii. puncture

She is standing in the park where they originally met, singing a tune to herself. Anyone that is acquainted with her knows that she wasn't graced with her mother's voice. But, Hyne, to him her song is of a siren's. He reaches his hand out to touch her shoulder, longing to hold her like he use to. He wants to tell her how sorry he is, how much he needs her.

 _But there is darkness around him._

She's gone. He is alone again, and the song he hears turns into shrieks and howls. He feels a warm sensation on his fingertips. He focuses his gaze downwards to find his hands covered in blood. He sees her corpse in front of him and drops to his knees. His gunblade is in her heart. He impaled her. He is to blame.

 _Every night he wishes he did die in the war._

-xx-

* * *

Seifer had made progress. After four months he was given clearance to be released back into normal housing in Garden. But Garden is the last place in the world that Seifer Almasy wants to be in. The SeeDs, new and old, look at him with contempt, some of the younger ones are afraid of him. Trepe gives him fake kindness. Leonhart pities him. Raijin and Fujin are the same and act like nothing has changed, even though everything has changed.

"Do you still have nightmares?" she asked him as they sat together in the quad between morning classes. She was wearing a quartz pink sundress with a grey blazer and beige sunglasses that were too big for her face but, if you asked her, were the style now.

Rinoa Heartilly continued to spend time with him, despite Dr. Kadowaki insisting that he made a full recovery. They both seemed to struggle with life after the war and their place in Garden.

"Not as often, but it use to be every night," he replied as he scratched the scruff of Angelo's neck.

"It's like she's still here," Rinoa declared a thought that made him nauseous. "I feel her, its like she's controlling my dreams but Squall doesn't believe me."

As she handed him half of her bagel, Seifer's hand caught her wrist before she could react fast enough. He doesn't want to let go.

"I believe you, I feel her too."

-xx-

* * *

She often dreams of being stuck in time compression. The nightmare is the same. She's trying to make her way back to Squall, but is too late. Squall is dead and she's alone. She must go on without him. She must live with the guilt that she didn't make it in time.

But tonight the nightmare is different. She finds Squall alive in the darkness. He is breathing, but unconscious. She tries to wake him as she kneels beside him, cradling his head in her hands, brushing the brown locks from his face. This is the man that keeps her going, the man that she cannot live without.

 _But she feels the Sorceress nearby._

She sees Squall's gunblade a few feet away from them, and knows what must be done. She reaches for the gunblade, the weapon is heavy for her petite physique. But she doesn't care. Without hesitation, she uses all of her strength to stab Squall in the stomach.

When she wakes up screaming, Squall's face is inches from hers. He is sitting on top of her with his body weight holding her down. She sobs in his arms, telling him how sorry she is.

 _This is real. This is love._

But for a split second she wishes it was Seifer with her because only he understand the gravity of her nightmares.

-xx-


	3. heat

iii. heat

Her rose colored lips still taste like chamomile to him, and he could die happy if that was the last thing he tasted. He kisses her like he use to, in the slow rhythm they established that speeds up as their heartbeats increase. But he wants this moment to last, he can't have her disappear again. She breaks from their kiss looking at him with the seduction that he has hungered for.

 _Please don't go so fast._

She takes his hand and drags him to follow her into the cold ocean water. A place that belongs to both of them; a place where they began their young summer affair. The rough waves splash against her white dress enough to reveal to him all the curves and details of her figure without it on. Her lips meet his again and he is reminded that happiness can be relished.

 _She is the carefree soul that stirs something inside of him._

He awakes holding his spare pillow wishing it was her. Somehow he thinks actually listening in his Psyche II class has helped him train himself to awake before the horror begins. That, or his subconscious is releasing him from this hellhole since he submitted his documents to transfer into Deling City University.

-xx-

* * *

It's been six months since the war, and the nightmares have subsided for him. Winter has passed and the decay in the cold air is gone. Spring is transitioning as the temperature in Balamb begins to rise. For Seifer, Summer is a season of rebirth and renewal. The warmth of the sun on his face gives him the vigor to move on. The smell of salt water awakens memories of pleasant times with his friends and with her.

"I never got to thank you," he says as he recasts his fishing line out into the waters.

It's the first fish of the season for him and she agreed to join him for the sunset catch. Garden has recessed for most leaving Balamb as a ghost town except for the locals. Neither of them have anywhere else to go. Rinoa remains in town because Leonhart continues to be further engulfed in Garden responsibilities. She could go back home, but she's not ready to spend more than a weekend with her father.

"For what?" Rinoa asks indifferent to his remark.

"You saved me," Seifer says as he puts the fishing rod down and faces her. "Without you, I'd be in a psyche ward by now."

He places his arm around her and gives her a humble kiss on her forehead. Rinoa breaks her gaze from the twilight and cotton candy skies that paint the evening for them and gently squeezes Seifer's hand. She's grateful he is better and that he no longer suffers. His smile is genuine, and for a moment Rinoa sees fragments of the old Seifer she knew strengthening against the shell shocked skeleton he had been the past six months.

-xx-

* * *

She follows Squall into the illuminating colors of the parade. Despite the disaster last year, they look forward to the Deling City parade this time around as a celebration. Her fingers are interlocked with his as they walk through the enchanted city of lights. The dancers contort their bodies to the songs, the street performers entertain, spellbinding music echos through out the city and the smell of fried foods is everywhere.

 _Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec_

They watch the fireworks dazzling the sky with bursts of emerald, ruby, and gold. He reveals that fireworks remind him of her from their first dance, but she's distracted.

 _He's here._

Letting go of Squall's hand she follows him through the crowds. She doesn't know why she's drawn to him, but, Hyne, she's determined to get an answer. He leads her into a dark alleyway. She can't see anything in the midnight blackness except the faint glimmer of his silver necklace.

 _And the confidence in his jade eyes._

When she awakes its 1:30 in the morning she is alone. Squall isn't on his side of the bed, but she knows where to find him at this hour. He is in the second bedroom of their cozy apartment that they converted into his study.

"Is everything alright?" he asks looking up from reading over Garden documents when he notices her in the room.

Rinoa doesn't say anything, she just walks over to him slipping off her nightdress. Even though it was just a dream she feels guilty. Squall forgets whatever Garden bullshit he was working as her lips meet his. He needs to make more time for her, more time for himself. They both need to try harder, but that conversation can wait. The thoughts and troubles of their relationship are forgotten once Rinoa feels him inside of her.

-xx-


	4. rival

iv. rival

"Let's get away," he suggests to her as she stirs some cream into her coffee. "Before classes start again, Let's go back to Fisherman's Horizon, didn't you want to go there?"

It's the close of Summer as the scorching temperatures in Balamb begin to cool. The sun isn't as warm, the breeze is refreshing and Squall is still struggling to help her cope. He doesn't have the vivid dreams that she has. The second his head hits the pillow his world fades to blackness, and often Rinoa is jealous of this luxury he has. But Squall wishes he had nightmares, he wishes he could relate to her in this aspect.

He wishes she didn't run to _him_ every time she has a nightmare. Aside her rehashing the disturbing details of time compression, he hates the fact that Seifer has a connection with her that he doesn't. As it is Squall feels guilty enough that he's not around as much as he use to be. Seifer comforts her when Squall can't. The irony of it all, Seifer has empathy.

"It was Dollet," she smiles at the anticipation of a getaway.

"I'll make the reservations," Squall says kissing her forehead. "We'll go away, just you and I."

 _And maybe you won't run to him anymore._

-xx-

* * *

Her hand has the firmest grip on his like she will never let go, like they will never be broken apart. Her blue jeans and lavender t-shirt is soaked through as the rain beats harder against their skin. They are running together this time. Running away from the downpour that was inevitable from the moment that dark grey cloud loomed over them as they walked along the Balamb shoreline.

 _For a moment he feels what it is like to be carefree._

They find shelter under the docks and she utters three words that he has never heard anyone say to him before. Her lips meet his as their eyelids lower in delight that they have a happiness others spend lifetimes searching for. When he opens his eyes she's not right. Her eyes are blood shot and he recognizes the tribal markers on the face of a foe; the sorceress is there instead.

 _She laughs so menacingly, his heart could stop._

Seifer awakes suddenly as he hears thunder against the gloomy sky through his opened window; it has been awhile since he had a nightmare. There is a soft purring next to him and he remembers he isn't alone, the junior SeeD he had been seeing for a few weeks now was lying next to him. They fell asleep together during the rainy afternoon, an idyllic Saturday of sex, comfort food and laziness. Seifer met her last semester in his business management class. He was surprised when she approached him, most of the girls in Garden were afraid of him. He wasn't looking for anything, but he'll get his for the time being while he waits to transfer.

 _For a moment he feels like his old self before his life crashed before his very eyes._

-xx-

* * *

She's standing at an imaginary fork in the road; one path leads her to Squall and the other leads her to _him_. When Rinoa is alone she is flooded with emotion that she can't explain. She can't be upset because she's the one that broke it off, or rather they never actually ended. She choose to open one door when the other wasn't closed. The feelings in her heart, the feelings buried dormant in her subconscious all lead to _him_.

They share a connection that she doesn't have with other people, not even Squall. He saved her from the nightmares; they saved each other. She knows her life with Squall would be safe. He would provide for her. He would do everything in his power to make sure she is happy and fulfilled, but...

 _"Squall will never love you the way I do."_

Seifer's last words repeat over and over in her head; the last words he said to her before he threw her into the claws of Adel.

"Rinoa?"

 _Maybe she just wasn't ready to see him move on so quickly this summer._

"Hey Rinoa...?"

 _Maybe she just needs to spend more time with Squall._

"Rinoa?" Selphie's voice echo's in the living room bringing her back to reality. "Are you awake?"

She came in from Trabia to visit for the weekend while Squall left for Galbadia. Hyne, Rinoa was grateful for company, she hated being alone, especially when Squall was away.

"We polished off those bottles of wine pretty good last night," Selphie laughs. "I'm surprised you don't have a headache."

 _No headache, just heartache._

-xx-


	5. detach

v. detach

They traveled together across cities and seas to save the world. Every location is filled with a memory of her. Balamb, where they met under a dazzling sky of stars when she asked him to dance. Timber, where they met again and he learned her name; a name that so easily ran off his tongue filling his heart with emotions he never felt before.

"Mornings are always better when you have a croissant and Galbadian coffee," she says in an elated tone as she smothers strawberry jam inside of her breakfast pastry.

Esther, where he almost lost her twice and twice he felt his heart stop. Cape of Good Hope, where he made a promise as her knight along with a promise to himself that he would never let her go. Winhill, where he watched her walk along dirt roads early in the morning to pick wild flowers and realized that he was in love with her.

 _She is his wild flower. She is a freely growing spirit in the lush green landscape where her color and grace stand out against the rest._

"Winhill," he says out loud and her puzzled expression reveals that she hasn't the faintest idea what he's talking about. "That's where we are going next."

"What?"

"I know I'm losing you," he says talking in tangents as they sit together outside of a cafe during a breezy morning. "I know you are frustrated and feel like you don't belong at Garden."

"Squall..."

"Rinoa," he says as his hand interlaces with hers. "You belong anywhere with me."

-xx-

* * *

There is a heavy clank and clash of gunblades as she watches from afar sitting atop her dark marble throne. Her wings, once pure white, have greyed like ash. Her deep rouge lips twist to form a disturbed grin. They are both tired, torn and beaten, but she laughs as they continue to fight.

 _She is killing both of them and she knows it._

Hyperion is still in his hand ready to battle to the death, and death is nearby. Seifer's grey jacket, now crimson, is soaked in warm blood. Clutching his shoulder, he moves forward preparing to strike. Pain doesn't matter because he would endure the worst of it for her.

 _The scale isn't even and she must decide._

Gasping for breath, holding on to the last strings of life he has, Squall struggles to gain the upper hand after Fire Cross put him in a compromising position. He needs to save her, even if it is the end for him or the end of them. He tries to push harder against his opponent, but it's futile, Hyperion is crushing his vocal chords.

"Squall!" Rinoa exclaims awakening from the nightmare as she jumps out of the comfy linens in the rustic bedroom of the upscale bed and breakfast they are staying in. The lapping of the ocean waves is calming as she put on her silk robe to go out into the oceanfront balcony where she finds him reading The Dollet Times.

"I'm sorry," Rinoa whispers, but she doesn't even know if it's Squall she should be apologizing to.

-xx-

* * *

 _His nightmares have become a reality._

Everyday at 10:45 in the morning she comes to this spot. The air is noticeably crisper as he sips coffee that tastes bitter from his usual blend. He watches her from the corner of the coffee shop. Crunching brown leaves have spread across Garden's cobble stone path. His time is short here and he needs her to know that.

"Hey Rin," he says softly from behind her as he touches her shoulder while she pours an excessive amount of creamer in her iced coffee.

"Seifer!" She jumps startled by him and drops the canister of creamer creating white splatter marks that surround them.

"Is everything ok?" Seifer asks as he helps her clean up the mess with napkins. "It's been awhile since we've hung out."

"I'm fine." Hyne, she's going out of her way to avoid making eye contact with him. "Just been super busy."

"Did I do something to upset you?" he questions on the verge of pleading. "I'm sorry if I did, but I want to-"

"No, Seifer...it's not," Rinoa pauses and, for a brief second, seems ready to tell him everything on her mind.

"I really need to talk to you," Seifer begs lowering his voice; they have already made a scene. "It's important."

"I need to go," she says and Seifer doesn't even bother to hide the misery painted all over his face. "I'm late for BalambCycle."

"I'm sorry," Rinoa apologizes looking back at him waving. "We'll catch up soon." That's a lie and he sees right through it as she starts to walk away from more than a bruised ego.

 _All he wanted to tell her was that he was accepted into Deling City University. All he wanted was for her to be proud of him again._

-xx-


	6. betray

vi. betray

"Do you have everything?" Rinoa asks as she hands Squall his jacket.

She convinced him to stay in bed longer, to wait until the very last minute to get ready. Now, stuffing the remaining clothes in his suitcase, Squall finishes the last of his packing.

"Can you get my phone in the study?" he asks.

It's early Winter in Balamb. The air is becoming colder as the frigid months loom ahead. This is his last trip before the month long Winter Solstice holiday. It's the longest he will be away from her, a week in Galbadia.

 _He doesn't want to leave her alone for so long._

"Squall...what's this?" she asks holding a stack of papers.

"Seifer's transfer papers to Deling City University I had to sign," he answers taking his phone from her. "I thought you knew he was transferring this Spring."

"No, I haven't spoken to him in awhile," her voice cracks slightly, just enough for him to notice. "When does he leave?"

"I think the end of this week. Quistis is handling his check out."

The honking of the taxi outside interrupts their conversation and is his cue to depart. Squall pulls her close him, holding her a little tighter this time before he kisses her goodbye.

 _Something in his gut tells him to just cancel this trip._

-xx-

* * *

She waited and waited, not sure if she should see him. Rinoa knows she's stubborn, sometimes emotional, but she needs to know why he never told her. Tomorrow is Seifer's last day in Balamb, and she hates goodbyes. She bangs furiously on his door hoping he's there.

 _Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock._

"Hold on I'm coming."

 _Her head hurts. Her heart hurts. She wants the confusion to go away._

"How much do I owe...Rinoa?!" Seifer answers the door in a bath towel equally as surprised as her. "Sorry, I thought you were delivery," he says as Rinoa walks right in his dorm like she owns the damn place.

"When were you going to tell me?" Rinoa demands taking in his empty dorm room. There's nothing left of him, just the generic Garden furniture and navy bed sheets he left out for the night. His suitcases are already packed by the honey-colored wooden desk.

"I tried to, but you blew me off," he retorts while shoving his legs through sweat pants and removing the towel to dry his sand colored hair. "Care to explain why you have been avoiding me?"

 _There's so much unsaid between them that needs to be spoken._

"Thought so," he quips. "Look Rin, I don't belong in Garden."

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, but knows the damage between them is done. "Let me buy your last meal here, it's the least I could do."

They split some Estherian take out and a bottle of wine while they watch bad movies. They laugh like old times, talk like nothing has changed, and for this picturesque evening it seems as if the war never happened. The minutes turn to hours and Rinoa looses track of time dozing off on Seifer's shoulder.

 _She's in a blissful sleep until the nightmares starts._

Rinoa awakes wrapped in Seifer's coat to the sound of screaming from the other room. The cries, the pain, the nightmares... _it's him_. She races from the couch to the bedroom to wake him.

"Seifer! Seifer! Seifer!" she yells shaking him. "It's a nightmare! It's just me!"

Seifer awakes jerking up so fast it's inhuman. He takes a minute to recognize his surroundings and that Rinoa is sitting by his side.

"I'm sorry," he mutters groggily. "Thank you."

It's dark with just the outside street lamp illuminating the shadows between them through his window. Her hands still cradle the back of his head. Even though he's awake, she won't let go; the trauma after a nightmare is too familiar to her.

"Seifer," she breaks the silence while breathing in his familiar scent. "What are your nightmares about?"

"It is the same each time," he says as his fingers caress her cheek. "They are about losing you."

-xx-

* * *

 _She's gone in the morning when he awakes._

The nightmare was a dream, but everything that happened last night was real. His room is now filled with memories of her that, in a few hours, he must leave. There are strands of her hair in his bathroom sink. Her mellifluous laughter echoes the walls of the living space and his bed sheets still have the subtle smell of honeysuckle from her perfume.

Last night was his chance to tell her how he felt, but the words escaped him when the unexpected caught him off guard, her lips meeting his. The taste of her was the same, sweet and enjoyable, except in the back of his mind a crushing thought brought him to reality.

 _Leonhart will crucify me if he finds out._

Seifer attempted to push Rinoa away as her arms wrapped around his bare chest bringing her body dangerously close to his. He pleaded with Rinoa telling her that they both would regret this in the morning as they broke, gasping for air, from each unhinged kiss they shared. Sure, he would love to piss on Leonhart and this would be one hell of a way as she undressed until she was in nothing but darkness and moonlight.

 _But if we do this it will be the end of me._

He tried telling himself that this was wrong, that they didn't belong together, as she let him take control while they were engulfed in each other's skin. The contours of her body still fit perfectly with his as it did years ago. Seifer tried to convince himself that this wasn't what he wanted while she cried out his name, in pleasure, over and over again, as he moved inside of her to the cadence of his choice.

 _He tried, but there are some sins that you commit that you can't come back from._

Seifer reaches across the bed wishing she was still there. He needs to get going, he needs to leave all of this behind before it's too late. Getting up to shower, he notices a note on his night stand.

 _When you're out there in the big city, don't forget about me because I won't forget about you.- Rin_

-xx-

* * *

 **A/N:** Just a few notes/disclaimers - the line in Seifer's section of " _there are some sins that you commit that you can't come back from"_ is from the film The Drop. Also the note Rinoa writes to him is taken from Meiko's song "Big City".


	7. wishes

vii. wishes

If the walls around him could speak they would echo the frustrations he senses. She paces around the living room in the middle of the night. He knows something is wrong; maybe the nightmares Rinoa spoke about weren't complete nonsense as he dismissed. Maybe he shouldn't have pushed her to enroll in SeeD. Maybe he should take her out to dinner more. Maybe he should focus on the present and less on their future. He could go on with the 'maybe' situations in head, but one always loops around in the back...maybe they should have just run away after the war.

 _He has far too much at stake._

Growing up, he didn't have a family that he remembered, yet in a blink of an eye he was given it all. Time has a sense of humor and Squall can try to bemuse himself acknowledging that maybe this was fate's way of giving him everything in return of defeating Ultimecia.

He was reunited with Matron, the woman who raised him when he had nothing. She is complemented by her husband, Cid, his mentor and acting father. He is stern, tactical in his leadership. Cid is guiding him to be a better knight, to help protect Rinoa during her darkest hours. He is a man grooming Squall to be the next leader of Balamb Garden. This is all the formulation in making Squall his protégé.

Then there is Laguna, his biological father, that he struggles with letting in. Even now, the idea of reconnecting is strange to him, but Squall is welcoming it to get his input on a looming proposal that has been on his mind for awhile. Laguna is warm and caring; Ellone actually inherited most of Laguna's better characteristic instead of him, and Squall can admit he is a little jealous of this. Laguna is the idealist and romantic that Squall aspires to be.

 _Great men who have_ _ _, by fate,_ come back into his life guiding him._

Yet even with these two father figures in his life, Squall wishes it was easy to express his desires to a potential third.

-xx-

* * *

 _"Seifer...? It's me, Rinoa."_

He often thought that the city was for tourists or the wealthy, but after living in it for a few weeks Seifer realized it's for the broken. It doesn't matter that his face was once plastered all over the papers and the news. No one cares here as they go about their business, and for Seifer it's the escape he has needed after a year of being public enemy number one.

 _ _"I'm sorry I ran off like that, it's just that I...I don't know what to do."__

He walks everywhere, even when he can take the underground subway, because around him are filled with fragments of her throughout the city. Her favorite flower shop is on the corner of River Street and Third Ave. Seifer is distracted by the ghost of her laughter and the intoxicating scents of sugar while he reads for his law classes in Cafe Hyne across from his apartment.

 _"_ _ _I wish none of this happened to us...I wish we could go back."__

He pictures it in his head, as if the war never happened, walking home picking up Estherian take out in one hand and a bouquet of lilies in the other. He's a lawyer, pushing himself to success, and she owns a book store in their neighborhood. They live together in their walk up apartment with books, blankets and antiques that she has collected over the years. There's no Garden, no magic, no sorceress and no war, just them, living in the company of each other.

His foolish heart wishes this could be a reality.

 _"I need to see you, we need to talk. Seifer, please call me."_

He runs in the morning, before the city is awake, to the front of the Deling City Arch. The last time he was here was during the parade, when his life was turned upside down, when it all went to shit. He tries to listen to the voicemail she left him again.

 _ _"Seifer...? It's me, Rinoa."__

He screams while he throws his cell phone into the concrete pavement. No one can hear him as the city is still asleep. He watches the glass screen crack into a spiderweb of lies. _Smash. Smash. Smash._ His foot stomps on the broken device half a dozen times as he destroys the, already shattered, final link he has to her.

-xx-

* * *

 _Good girls do bad things sometimes and they can't explain why._

Her daydreams are of happier times, carefree days of storytelling and fantasy. She escapes here where laughter and Balamb sunsets fill her mind. She has not a worry, there's nothing to fear here. She walks in flower fields hand in hand with him, cheerful and free. Dandelion wishes and warm summer days. He is her knight, he will protect her.

 _The sorceress is coming. This is her plan._ _  
The sorceress is coming. This is her plan._

At night dark shadows and blackness fill her broken, lifeless heart. Rinoa hears voices that whisper horrifying words in her head. Her reflection is of the witches that burned at the stake with their eyes gouged. She cries out, but no one can hear her screams.

Her nightmares have disappeared because she doesn't sleep. Everywhere she turns the ghost of him is there, haunting her. She misses him, she needs him, but every time she calls there is no answer. Rinoa walks in a daze searching for answers while she carries guilt on her shoulders that becomes heavier with each passing day.

 _Squall didn't deserve this._

And neither did Seifer.

-xx-


	8. black rose

viii. black rose

She holds her breath for a minute before she enters the sterile room imagining the worst of the worst. Rinoa always hated hospitals, and this is too close to home. Dr. Kadowaki doesn't know what's wrong with him and if the tests from Balamb Memorial Hospital come back inconclusive, they are taking him to Esthar. To Rinoa, it felt like it happened overnight, but Matron swears she saw signs and Cid was too stubborn to see a doctor.

"Hey Matron," she calls as she enters the fragile room. "I came as soon as I...Seifer?"

"Shhhh..." Seifer signals with Matron asleep against his shoulder.

Time, for a second, freezes between them as his gaze is fixed on hers while she puts her bag in her lap and sits next to him. _How long has it been?_ He looks the same yet brand new; more like the city and less like Balamb. His face thinned out and his hair has grown out longer, a bit shaggier, and it suits him. She wants to say so much, but is flooded with emotion that the words escape her. _Where would they even begin?_ It's been nearly ten months since he was in Balamb.

"Can we..." she starts to whisper. "Can I talk to you?"

Seifer takes a minute before he gives a small nod. Her heart is pounding as she watches him try to wiggle out of the chair without waking Matron. His book drops to the floor and the second it makes a huge thud Matron's eyes open.

"I'm sorry I dozed off," Matron says to Seifer as he reaches to get his book. She turns her gaze feeling another presence. "Oh Rinoa, where is Squall?"

"He's coming later, taking care of some projects Cid had been working on before he was admitted here."

"Squall works himself to the bone, Cid adores him and poor Squall doesn't think he's doing enough," Matron sighs and glances longingly over to her dying husband. "I only wish Cid could see you two get married, he would be so proud."

Rinoa observes how Seifer's demeanor changes, around her, around Matron, as he shuffles getting papers and books into his backpack avoiding any eye contact with either of them. If they were under normal circumstances Matron could easily pick up on the uneasiness between her and Seifer.

"I'm going to get some air," Seifer mutters as he gets out of his chair.

"I'll join you," Rinoa declares quickly.

She turns away from the door and follows him; he's running from her, running from the confrontation.

"Seifer!" Rinoa chases after him. "We need to talk!"

"We have nothing to talk about," he quips as he keeps moving not looking back at her. Frustrated, Rinoa casts a stop spell blocking him at the corner of the building.

"We need to talk," she repeats stunning him with her magic. The anger in her tone grows, "You can't keep ignoring me like this."

"Alright Rin," Seifer gathers himself together standing straight up against the brick facade of the building; he's towering over her, nearly a foot taller. He continues "Let's talk about how you are abusing your sorceress abilities."

"Why haven't you answered my calls?" she demands. "I left you messages, but you never called me back."

"I'm sorry," he shrugs as he fidgets with his pockets, a habit of his when he's searching for a cigarette. "I broke my phone."

"You expect me to believe that?" She's tired of his games; they do this always, when one of them opens up the other runs. "You disconnected your old number. Hyne, I had to find out from Fujin!"

"I can send you the pieces if you want, Mrs. Leonhart," he says mocking her. "So you and him are finally getting hitched?"

"What? No! Squall and I are not-"

"You may not wear it on your finger, but I see the ring on your necklace." He points at the diamond nestled with Squall's ring. "No use denying it."

"No!" she yells infuriated with him. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Why am I doing this to you, Rin? Why are _you_ doing this to me?" he barks back at her throwing his cigarette to the pavement. "You know I'm still in love with you, but now you're getting married to Commander Puberty, who, might I add, can very well have my head blown off if he ever finds out what I...no, what _we_ did. We fucked up, Rinoa, don't you understand that?"

"No, Seifer I-"

"What happened was a fucking mistake."

"It wasn't a mistake to me!" she shouts then covers her mouth, staring back into his wide eyes. His face softens, for just a second, like the way he use to look at her. "I have these feelings that I can't explain, that I...we never really were finished-"

He shakes his head. "You made your decision a long time ago when you picked Leonhart," he snorts and walks back towards the hospital entrance.

-xx-

* * *

 _"A leader is someone who has given his life to a purpose far bigger than himself."_

He's sweating even though the Fall chill has graced those that are gathered. Although he hates public speaking, Squall knew he had an obligation to deliver this eulogy. Standing at the podium alone, he observes the massive crowd in Balamb Garden, a sea of black saying their final goodbyes to a great man. Squall was actually surprised when Matron agreed to bury Cid in Balamb; he thought she would want him laid to rest at the Cape of Good Hope, but she said he was happiest in Garden watching all the SeeDs grow up.

 _"A leader, beyond the measure of all other people, prays for peace."_

It's a dark morning, with grey clouds hovering over them. Matron is sitting at the front, Rinoa right next to her. Even in all black, Rinoa, now his fiancé, looks stunning; Squall only wishes that Cid could see her in all white. The rest of his friends, siblings, orphans, whatever you want to call them, are sitting there; Zell is next to Rinoa, followed by Quistis, Irvine and Selphie. Behind them sits Xu, Neda, Raijin, Fujin and Seifer. Squall could barely recognize his old rival when he returned from Deling City; he is different. The normal arrogant attitude and cockiness have diluted into a cleaned up and quiet adversary.

 _"A leader must suffer and bear the deepest, darkest wounds and scars of war."_

It is suddenly much darker out and the wind blows hard enough that he has to put his palm firmly on the podium to hold his speech. He hears voices in the crowd whispering, but it is too much in unison like a chanting of words that not too long ago made his skin crawl.

 _Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec._

He pauses for a minute gathering himself. Crows screech above him as a single black feather falls to the ground in front of him. The white roses that adorn Cid's casket and around the burial site have wilted to black.

 _Does anyone else see this?_

When he glances back at the crowd they are all waiting for him as if none of this is happening. He must just be nervous, and Squall needs to pull it together right now. He glances at Rinoa; maybe she sees this, but she sits patiently like the rest of them.

 _Is this real?_

He blinks and everything is normal. Squall rubs his eyes as he moves his gaze to Rinoa again, who is mouthing for him to go on. He continues on deciding that he needs, no deserves, a drink or two or ten after this is over.

 _"Cid was a fearless leader, a nurturing mentor, a loving father, and above all a devoted husband."_

His mind isn't playing tricks on him. Squall would be damned if he didn't acknowledge that something wicked is happening around him.

-xx-

* * *

He is starting to drown out Raijin and Fujin's arguments; a sign that he's been in Balamb too long. Seifer takes another sip of his Winhill Ale as he sinks back in the bar stool, it's still uncomfortable as he remembers. Here they are, the three of them together sitting like old times on a Friday night at the Balamb Hotel Bar, but it's not the same. Hyne, this is the last place in the world he wants to be, but he agreed to stay with Matron an extra two weeks so she wouldn't be alone. He's trying to do all things a good son would do, but he doesn't even know where to begin in this situation.

"Ay Seifer," Raijin whispers. "Let's go back to my apartment and smoke that Malboro, I have five grams."

"LET ME FINISH," Fujin demands.

Seifer forces a weak smile at his longtime friends, without their company he would have gone mental.

 _It wasn't a mistake to me._

He doesn't want to admit to anyone, not even himself, that his heart still calls for her name. Being in such close quarters with her has reawakened so many buried memories he chooses to forget so he could move on.

"LEONHART," Fujin gives him the closest interaction to a greeting as she can.

Squall, Irvine, and Chickenwuss are leaving from the dining side of the bar. Hyne, this town is so small and Seifer is reminded why he left in the first place. They exchange a few phony pleasantries and apologies. He supposes they are all suffering in their own way.

"Seifer," Squall speaks and sounds like he's had one too many. "Have a drink with me, I need to ask you something."

 _Fuck, what does he want?_ There's no way that Leonhart knows; he would have pulled out his gunblade by now or had a bullet put in the back of his head when Seifer least expected it.

"SEIFER?" Fujiin questions as he gets up to join Squall at the bar. He waves that he's fine and just hopes whatever Puberty Boy wants is quick and painless.

"I'm sorry again about Cid," Seifer says offering half-assed condolences. "I know you were closer to him than the rest of us." Squall nods at him as he swallows down, not even bothering to savor, a whiskey on the rocks.

"That wind was something wasn't it?" Squall changes subjects. "I couldn't believe how dark it was outside."

"What are you talking about?" Seifer says slightly annoyed wishing he left the minute Raijin suggested to smoke some Malboro; he could use it right now. "It was sunny and absolutely no wind, were you hallucinating?"

Leonhart looks like he saw a ghost as Seifer observes the confusion and panic plastered all over his stupid face. "You're seeing things, aren't you?"

Squall nods, "I heard chanting too. It was dull and low, but the same as the Deling City parade with Matron."

"I heard that all the time when I was under the compulsion," Seifer says nonchalantly trying to conceal the sudden terror he feels realizing that his affair with Rinoa has severed her bond with Squall as knight and sorceress. "It was probably just your nerves," Seifer lies, but if Leonhart is seeing things it must mean that Rinoa's power is starting to overwhelm her. He should have known better when he saw her at the hospital.

"Let's have a truce," Squall says extending his hand out. "The war is behind us, we've both moved on." He pauses for a few seconds to think of what to say next. "Cid would have wanted it this way."

"Uh, sure Leonhart," Seifer says shaking his hand while he vows to himself that he's never coming back to this hellhole town after he leaves.

-xx-


	9. bittersweet

ix. bittersweet

Shiva's Diamond Dust doesn't sparkle as bright as the stone that lays embedded in her engagement ring. The diamond flickers against the warm sunlight from her bedroom window creating color prism speckles that flutter across her reflection in the mirror.

She can barely look at herself; Rinoa doesn't recognize who she is anymore or what she has become. She should wear the ring on her finger, to show the world that she's Squall's forever, but Rinoa wears it closer to her heart instead to remind herself who she choose once upon a time.

Even if it was a few months ago, Rinoa remembers everything like it was yesterday, they escaped the winter for a weekend away in Cape of Good Hope. The air tasted like salt during a breezy morning as they sat on the restored bench at the top of the limestone steps huddled in blankets drinking hot coffee.

Matron and Cid had invested a lot of gil into restoring their orphanage; they rebuilt a section of the wreckage closest to the shoreline into a comfortable second home for them. It was was a work in progress, and Squall was, of course, heavily involved in the details and planning.

"It'll be beautiful once this is complete," he said observing the aquamarine ocean that engulfed the early morning sun.

"It will," she agreed not taking her eyes off of the latest book she was reading. "Cid and Matron will surely retire here."

"It'll be ours too one day." Squall's fingers interlaced with hers gently nudging the book out of her hand grasping her hand. "Rinoa...I want all of this for us."

He crouches down on his knees a few steps below her. Rinoa dropped her book realizing what is taking place, what she always pictured would happen with Squall.

"Rinoa, will you marry me?" he asked. She nodded bursting into tears as he slips the ring over her finger. He embraced her into his coat embellishing her with his body heat while he gently kissed her forehead. Squall tells her of all the plans he has for their future, how this home would be theirs to retire, and how he wants to travel the world with her again. They reminiscent on moments of laughter they shared as they finish lukewarm coffee.

 _Yet during this moment of pure bliss Rinoa feels her heart sinking into her chest._

-xx-

* * *

He passes the time in Balamb by sitting in the library; sometimes he reads, sometimes he people watches and other times he stares at the ceiling wondering how he got his life in this mess to begin with. Seifer knows it is dangerous territory to be treading on, but his desire to catch a glimpse of her outweighs the reality that, in an instant, Leonhart could have him killed. There's a part of him that wants to die if she is the last thing he sees.

Their eyes meet as Seifer watches her from afar knowing very well that this could be the last time he ever sees her again. "Rinoa," he mutters under his breath forcing himself to recite every syllable of her name.

It isn't in his nature to apologize, but he wants to for his actions at the hospital. He follows her as she walks through the aisles of colorful books, but his movement feels slowed. His stomach is in knots as he looks at his watch while the hands move faster and faster. The ticking of the library clock becomes louder and louder until he can't even hear himself think.

"Rinoa, stop this," he whispers as he feels her controlling his movements. He's standing next to her now facing the bookcase, the rush of time forcing his motions. "Your power is starting to overwhelm you. We need to tell Matron and get you help."

"I can control it, Seifer," she growls stopping the movement of time, annoyed that he, of all people, is lecturing her. "It isn't your business anyway, you won't be here much longer."

"No, you can't. Leonhart approached me, told me he started seeing things at Cid's funeral. You can't hide it anymore," he pleads with her. "Rinoa, I still care about you."

"Then why did you run away?" she asks facing him now. "Why do you _always_ run away?"

His mouth opens for a second to challenge her, but he pauses thinking for once before he speaks. Seifer wants to apologize for the past that he can't change and the future that is out of his control. If he wasn't a pompous coward when he had her heart long ago, maybe they would have never been in the war torn aftermath that they are in now.

"I wasn't a man when we met, and I'm still not. I screwed up and if I could take back time, I would," he sighs heavily pushing a lock of her silky dark hair behind her ear. "But I can't, Rin, I'm sorry."

-xx-

* * *

The gold-plated arches and opulent mosaic tiles do not compare to how breathtaking she is. He observes her quietly from the corner of the ball room as she watches a single falling star in the admiral sky. She catches his gaze and inked into his memory is the curve of her lips as she smiled at him the moment before she asked for a dance.

They are dancing together at the SeeD ball again. It's the first time he's doing something like this, and despite having two left feet, he feels they move and sway together in perfect unison. She spins and twirls laughing at his two-step with glittering eyes, and he believes they are star-cross strangers destined to meet during this moment.

 _Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec_

He stops distracted by the booming fireworks that illuminate the cobalt evening sky and she excuses herself sprinting away from him. Time feels like it slows down as he chases her, following the sound of her laughter across the ballroom. The chatter and music drown out the sound of her voice as he maneuvers through the crowds of SeeDs until he finds her with _him_. Squall recognizes the scar on his face, his amber colored hair and the menacing jade eyes as her arms wrap around to embrace _him_.

He watches them while they laugh together like no one else is around them; she looks ecstatically happy with Seifer, as if she has eyes for only him, and this crushes and enrages Squall's soul at the same time. What can Seifer offer her that he cannot? Squall won't stand for it, everything he built was with her in mind. He moves toward them to pull Rinoa away from Seifer, but as he tries to grab Rinoa's hand, they vanish into a burst of black feathers, and all he can hear is the chanting becoming louder and louder.

 _Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec_

"Were you singing?" He jumps awakening to Rinoa folding a basket of laundry next to him on the couch. He's been feeling weaker and has been falling asleep in the afternoons too frequently for his liking.

"Squall?" she asks reaching out to touch his forehead. "Do you have a fever?"

Squall doesn't sleep as well as he once did; the peaceful darkness that would encompass his sleep has shifted into nightmares since Cid had been laid into the earth to enteral rest. Dr. Kadowaki thinks he's suffering from grief, but he swears it isn't that. Rinoa has been different since the funereal as well. He can't put his finger on whats off, but, one thing is for sure, she is hiding something from him.

"It sounded like you were you singing," he says now sitting up shaking himself out of it. "It was the same song as the chanting of the parade."

"I wasn't, but Seifer said he heard the same when he had nightmares," she says absent minded while she gently scratches his head.

"Seifer," he mutters under his breath and Squall's demeanor changes.

"Squall, it was just a dream," Rinoa reminds him.

"No, Rinoa, it's not," he says as he throws one of her decorative pillows aside frustrated at her response. He gets up grabbing his coat making his way for the door. "I know something is going on."

-xx-


	10. the ballad of the broken

x. the ballad of the broken

Pink roses are her favorite type of flower, at least that what he thought, so he went out and bought her a bouquet with elder flower, tree fern and delphinium. He's an asshole for yelling at her, and facing her after a fight is more terrifying than Cerberus' three heads. He enters their apartment and finds her cutting an apple at the kitchen counter; she won't look at him.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you like that," Squall says as he kisses the hollow corner of where her neck and shoulder meet. She refuses to acknowledge him or utter a word. "I had this crazy dream that you left me," he says placing the flowers on the counter next to her. "For Seifer," he forces a chuckle.

Rinoa's posture stiffens as she continues to slice the apple on the cutting board; still not meeting his gaze.

 _Why isn't she saying anything?_

"It was just a stupid dream," he says with fake confidence even though he wouldn't admit to a soul that it shook him up.

 _What's wrong?_

He waits, for what seems like an eternity, for her to agree with him, for her assure the uneasy feeling that his gut has had for weeks, no months now, that something was wrong.

"Rinoa," he calls her name, heart racing with anxiety.

"Squall, I..." Rinoa starts as she slowly turns around, and one look into her eyes he knows something wrong. Tears begin to trickle down her face, and he hates himself for wanting to hold her and dry her eyes.

"I..." she sniffs. Her fingers wrung together like tangled knots, and her cheeks are flushed red. "Seifer and I-"

"No..." he says stepping away from her disbelieving, shaking his head.

"I...I'm sorr-" she barely can manage to get words out between sobs.

 _This can't be real._

But it is, and no physical torture or anguish can compare to the pain that he feels inside his body right now. Squall stands frozen, motionless, processing everything as an imaginary knife stab his heart.

"When?" he questions scrutinizing her.

 _Hyne, why is he even asking this? What difference does it make?_

Her eyes are swollen shut with hot tears still pouring down her cheeks. "Wh...When you were in Gal-badia." She inhales a gulp of air "La...last wi..winter."

 _How could you do this?_

"Squall."

 _With him._

"Squall, please say something."

He feels the knife twisting deeper as the cracks of his broken heart grow larger and larger. His heart is shattered into millions of tiny pieces disintegrating into dust.

"Squall," she says in between sobs as endless silence stays between them. "Don't shut me out."

"Everything," he manages to articulate slowly, his heart is pounding so fast he swears its going to break his chest cavity. "Every little thing I worked for and built was for us, Rinoa, everything!" He punches the wall with his fist and one of Matron's paintings crashes to the ground breaking the silence that lingered after Squall's last word.

"Every-fucking-thing, Rinoa!" he screams. He grabs her shoulders and pauses for a second looking at her dead in the eye, "All of this was for you! How could you betray me like that? With Seifer of all fucking people!"

"I'm sorry!" she cries as she falls to her knees on the kitchen floor.

"I should have never let you help him, should have known better, should have saw the signs," Squall pauses observing Rinoa shaking on the kitchen floor. "The signs," he repeats. "Our bond, that means... Rinoa, do you know what you have done?"

"Why doesn't anyone believe in me as a sorceress, even you?" Rinoa shouts as she quickly picks herself up from the floor. "I can control the negative thoughts and power!"

"No you can't!" he argues with her. "Not without a knight," Squall pleads approaching her.

"Rinoa" he says softly touching her shoulder, but as soon as his fingers touch her skin her magic lunges him into the wall. The knife she used to cut the apple follows in his direction. He closes his eyes and barely dodges it as his left cheek is sliced stinging with a small amount of hot blood dripping down his face. Squall eyes open after the crash to Rinoa collapsing to the floor.

"Squall," she gasps for breath as he rushes to her side even after all of this. "I'm trying to control it, but I...I'm sorry, I never meant to-"

"Shhhh," he says cradling her. "I'm taking you to Matron."

-xx-

* * *

 _Everything I have ever loved, became everything I lost._

She observes him in Cid's old study reading an oversized textbook for school; Galbadia Civil and Procedure Law, it reads, and she can't help but smile at how her son continues to astound everyone around him, including herself.

"Seifer," she calls his name, but he doesn't answer engrossed in his book as dark clouds loom outside beyond the window. A nasty storm is brewing outside, she can feel it in her bones. Matron wraps her black shawl around her shoulders. Although it is late August, the winds have been colder and bitter.

"Seifer," she says his name louder this time interrupting his reading. "There's something bothering you, I can tell." Matron watches her son close his law book focusing his attention on her.

He's still hesitant, keeping his gaze anywhere but her directly in her eyes. Despite being a rebel without a cause, Seifer is the most passionate of her children. It never surprised her that fire was his element when he was enlisted in SeeD. For him to not be quick tongued on what is irritating him means whatever is bothering him must be profound.

"What is it?" she coaxes him as she sits next to him, hearing the booming thunder begin to crash the sky through bay windows of her parlor room. "You can tell me anything."

He's still reserved, very unlike her son. Impatience aside, his thirst for adventure overpowers any challenge he faces. He has overcome incredible odds with the world stacked against him, yet, like a Phoenix, he has risen out of ash and shattered dreams. A part of him died in the war, but he came back resilient, wiser and stronger than he was before. He suffered, he survived, and that is truest story of her eldest son.

"Matron," he enunciates slowly meeting her gaze. "I did something terrible that I can't take back," he sighs combing his hands through his hair. "And we're all going to pay for it."

-xx-

* * *

 _'You're in too deep this time, you know that?'_

 _'I know...I know.'_

"Matron!" he hears Squall gasp from the other room interrupting his thoughts replaying the conversation between him and Matron earlier. "It's Rinoa, we need your help! The bond, it's-"

"I know," Matron says putting a herbal towel over Rinoa's forehead as Squall lays her on the chocolate leather sectional. "Seifer told me everything."

"Wha-?!" Squall mumbles confused starring open mouth at Matron.

"Rinoa!" Seifer cries as he sprints over to her laying lifeless on the couch. "What happened to her?"

"You fucking bastard!" Squall yells as his peripheral vision picks up his adversary's movement, and instinctively seconds later Squall's fist slams into Seifer's jawline forcing the stoic blonde's face to the other side of his shoulder.

"I deserve that," Seifer says coolly as he rubs his jaw, his eyes still fixated on Rinoa.

"I should have had you executed when I had the chance!" Leonhart screams grabbing his shirt collar and slamming him straight into Matron's library wall. Dozens of books fall down on top of the tall blonde as he raises both of his arms to cover his head. Seifer slowly gets up to face Leonhart, but Commander Puberty has the upper hand and a fist full of fingers bashes his face to the other side with a trail of fresh blood spilling from his nose.

"She pitied you, and you took advantage of her kindness, seducing her with your bullshit!" Squall screams pinning Seifer down as he punches him in the face over and over again. In any other scenario Seifer wouldn't be caught dead letting Leonhart beat the shit out of him, but he deserves to be pummeled to the ground after the damaged he caused Rinoa. "I spared your worthless life!"

Seifer forces a kick from his free leg straight into Squall's gut knocking the air out of him. "I wish you didn't!" Seifer gurgles out as he slithers out of Leonhart's hold desperately trying to balancing himself. "Just put me outta my misery," he admits out loud to everyone, including himself, as he coughs up blood. "I should have died in the war."

"Enough!" Matron screams running between her two sons. "You two can murder each other later, we need to get Rinoa to Esthar before she wakes up. There might be a way to stop this."

-xx-


	11. the fallen solider

xi. the fallen solider

 _'Rinoa...just stay close to me.'_

His words repeat in her head and she gazes out to the vast plains of thistle and wild violet. Anxiety has set into their hearts as they make further strides in the battle against Ultmecia.

Rinoa wishes she had the confidence Squall did in her ability to handle the powers of being a sorceress. A gift he reminded her, it's a gift.

"How about this," Squall's says interrupting her thoughts. "I'll be here..."

"...Why?" Rinoa asks confused to what he's talking about.

"The reason why you couldn't find me was because we haven't promised yet."

Now she's really confused. "Promised...?"

"I'll be waiting for you..." his voice is full of comfort, and she hasn't felt it in ages since her mother passed away. "So if you come here, you'll find me. I promise."

Her heart skips a beat and Rinoa is a little breathless. She smiles grabbing Squall's arm ecstatic about their commitment to each other.

 _"If you come here, you'll find me. I promise."_

Rinoa's eye flutter open as she feels a shake of turbulence from the Ranganork. She's laying down in a makeshift bed that was made from extra pillows and SeeD travel blankets. Her head and chest aches with throbbing pain; she can't remember much after she confessed to Squall about her affair with Seifer. Everything just blacks out from there.

 _Squall._

He's completely aloof in the cockpit with a junior SeeD pilot. Broken on the inside, but he would never let her or anyone else in the world see. She pushed him away, forever maybe.

"I will talk to him when this is over," Matron whispers to Seifer.

"Matron, I'm not afraid to die," Seifer says indifferently preventing her from finishing. "I know I..." Seifer pauses. "Rin," he whispers under his breath as her eyes meet his.

"Rinoa!" Matron rushes over to her side checking her vitals as Rinoa slowly props herself up.

"It's ok," she answers the lingering questions on everyone's mind. "I feel fine, but I don't remember anything after...Squall...Oh! What have I done to the bond? The world is in danger because of me!"

"We're almost at the Esther Base," Squall announces moving closer to her, and Rinoa's heart is filled with worry and depsair. "You're going to be okay, Ellone will fix our connection."

 _She ruined him._

Rinoa doesn't know how this could be fixed. Maybe they were doomed from the start when the met.

"Was it necessary to handcuff him?" Rinoa asks processing the fact that Seifer has again been made out to be the criminal that he isn't. Matron glares at Squall nodding her head in agreement giving him the closest form of a mother's guilt.

"It's fine," Seifer whispers slouched over looking at his hands. "As long as you are okay."

"Yes," Squall replies in a curt tone and turns his back without even looking at her. "Any jury would find him guilty for conspiring to resurrect the succession of witches causing world chaos. He's done it before."

"Well, I'm equally to blame so handcuff me too." She quips angry that he is still painting her out to be innocent when both her and Seifer were unfaithful.

Squall stops clenching his fists, "as if any chain could hold you."

-xx-

* * *

It hit him in the bathroom of the Ragnorark when he least expected it; he saw his reflection in the mirror. There was silence for a brief moment and that's precisely when the panic over Rinoa's state was compounded with the fact that their bond was broken.

 _What could I have done better for you? What more did you need?_

"I'm sorry," he whispers carrying her on his back like he once did when they were saving the world from Ultimecia. Her head is buried in the hollow of his neck; Squall can feel both the heat and dampness of hot tears as Rinoa quietly sobs from their feud in the Ragnorak. A year ago, he would have whispered something soothing to her, promising everything would be okay as long as she stayed close to him. That's all shattered now as he fears the uncertainty of her state as a sorceress.

 _Why did you have to run away?_

 _With him._

"Squall, welcome," Ellone greets them as they enter Dr. Odine's lab in the bizarre city of Esther. He always hated it here, too many harrowing memories of near death experiences. The city itself is cold, unwelcoming, and Squall would be happy with never setting foot in again.

"Can you help us?" Squall asks as he gently puts Rinoa back on her feet. He's got a firm grip on her hand, like he really is never letting her go this time.

"I will try my best," Ellone says as she faces Rinoa and grasps her shoulder. "There's no guarantee this will work."

Time stops as Squall watches Ellone close her eyes and begin her connecting magic. He observes Rinoa who's eyes are bloodshot from tears; she won't look at him, or anyone else for that matter as she stares at the patterns in the tile floor. He still wants to hold her, to undo the damage that is between them, and maybe this is the way.

Ellone steps away from Rinoa as she releases her shoulder, "I recommend to transfer the power to another host. The connection is..." Her face has an expression that Squall can't decipher. She hesitates avoiding eye contact with with everyone in the room. "The connection between Seifer and Rinoa is too strong to undo or change."

"What?!" Squall exclaims. "How is that possible?"

"I'm sorry, I can't help much further," she sighs in defeat. "I think this is the best way, really the only way, for a favorable outcome."

"Dr. Odine, can't you do anything else?" Squall urges looking directly at the doctor who has been unusually quiet.

"Squall, no-" Ellone interrupts.

"Zer iz," Dr. Odine says in a stoic tone. "We freeze her in ze zame container as we ze did with Adel."

-xx-

* * *

Seifer is standing in the corner of the room observing the pandemonium that is about to erupt. Part of him wishes he had dinner to accompany him with, under normal circumstances, what would be a great show seeing Commander Puberty fly off the handles.

"That's not gonna happen!" Squalls yells at the quack doctor. "I won't allow it!"

"Zat is ze only way."

"Please doctor," Matron begs. "I would offer to take the power from Rinoa, but I don't have a knight anymore. There has to be another way."

"Zer lies your problem," Dr. Odine starts to pace around. Seifer still can't get over that this quack is the best sorceress researcher in the world, how can anyone take him seriously? "Ze knight and zorceress bond iz broken. Zer will never be balance, zo we have another zorceress zat will be consumed with ze power. It iz best if we lock her away."

"Over my dead body," Squall growls at Doctor Quack.

"She iz no longer trust worthy," Odine counters, a retort meant for Squall, but Seifer can see the hurt in Rinoa's face. Rinoa's cheeks flush while she tries to hide her quivering lip by averting her eyes to the floor.

Her allure and radiance is now diminished to embarrassment; everyone in the room will blame her, but Seifer can only blame himself. They are both infamous now. He's the rouge knight that was corrupted by the villainous witch. She will forever be marked as a reckless adulterer incapable of being a sorceress. All this falsehood because they were unfinished. Why couldn't he let go of what wasn't his?

 _Her face._

A sorceress full of rage because of a broken heart, unleashing her sorrows onto the miserable world, while toy soldier SeeDs fall across the battlegrounds like domino's protecting future generations from a fate elders have suffered long ago. Seifer has seen how this played out all too well and every bone in his body knows it needs to be put to a stop from the destructive cycle it has had for aeons.

"I'll do it," Seifer announces, and the whole room goes silent as he walks closer to them. "The doc can transfer the power to me and freeze me in space or wherever," he pauses lifting his cuffed hands to scratch the side of his brow. "I'm the reason behind this whole mess," he voices and looks over at Rinoa as she shakes her head protesting his suggestion. "Let's get this over with."

"No!" Matron cries as she grabs his shoulder. "You have come so far! We can find another host, another way!"

"It doesn't matter," Seifer shrugs off Matron as he turns to face Squall for the first time since they beat the shit out of each other. "I'm a dead man walking anyway."

-xx-


End file.
